You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
