We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
bring money and cleavage
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
