Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
