he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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