she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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