You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
