I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize