why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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