Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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