Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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