I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
