making cat noises will not fix the situation.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
