I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
