Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize