I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
