I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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