I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
