This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
