yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
