They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
