dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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