He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
50% drunk capacity currently
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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