just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
