1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
