he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
