And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
