i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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