Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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