dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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