this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
