You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I need moral support for this bender
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize