We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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