update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
