The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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