For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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