It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
