Someone shit on the floor
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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