because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
