They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize