Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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