why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My vagina is very pro this idea
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
