Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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