This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
