you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
