Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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