it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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