Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize