It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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