Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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