the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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