I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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