This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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