Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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