I will die if light touches me.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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