At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
