I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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