woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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