why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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