i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
