i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
