i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
