And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize