there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
