Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
