He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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