Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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