oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
