He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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