I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
