I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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