I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
