He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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